Last Tuesday would have been my 16th wedding anniversary.

It’s almost 7 1/2  years since my husband, Jermaine, passed away yet I still either have to brace myself ahead of time against memorable moments or forget and get spin-cycled through the day/week/whatever. It ain’t how it used to be but still… 

This time, I spent the day:

• being shocked it was THAT day

• being crazy while trying not to be

  
  

• appreciating the gift of love that was Mr. Rollins ❤️

  
  

• listening to an audio journal I made in 2017 and suddenly understanding my 2022 #speakthosethings

  
  

• alternating between caring for myself amidst a new healing season of “dad issues’ and holding space for ppl I love who are healing too

  
  

• seeking God’s calm and voice

  
  

• getting a massage

  
  

• trying not to be angry at the middle-aged/non POC gay masseuse from Northern Cali who equated - and insisted on discussing during my massage - her recent arrest for naked drunkenness at a resort jacuzzi during Spring Break to the arrest, beating and murder of #SandraBland I s*** you not 😓

  
  

• remembering + celebrating the good things coming down my road and the victories I see in others’ journeys

  
  

• trying to balance, overcome anxiety, and LIVE in dramatically shifting sociological spaces where few ppl look like me

  
  

• crying & generally being overwhelmed

Whew chile…. ‘‘twas a lot. 

I know many - if not most - of us are trying to simultaneously navigate a new reality while coping with grief and heartbreaking loss. 

Is that you? 

If so, I just want you to know I’m praying for you - for us - today and sending extra love so you know you’re not alone. You’re not forgotten. You are loved. 

Be brave. Be good to you. God loves you 💞 And so do I. 

Have a gooooood day, baby. And as #TabithaBrown says ‘Even if you can’t have a good one, don’t u dare go out and mess up nobody else’s, ya’ hear?’  Lol

Ttys…

~ S