Small Slices
There are few things worth having that are not forged in the fires of pain and process. And there are few people who innately possess these things without the process of pain and process.
Humility is one of those things. So is compassion. And let’s not forget love.
Unfortunately, we humans are rarely born with these qualities – as anyone who has children, has been around children, or has been a child themselves knows – and so they must be taught.
But if the teachers (read: parents and supporting family/friends) have not allowed themselves to be processed, how can successive generations hope to possess these elemental and basic human qualities?
There’s a recurring theme I hear from time to time and person to person: if “bad things” happen in someone’s life, it’s because God did it or was too stupid, obtuse, uncaring or non-existent to stop it from happening. Those dimensionally-wormholeish viewpoints, while critical to explore and discuss, are not my intended topic here and maaaayyy be taken up at some later point.
Maybe.
“...If the teachers have not allowed themselves to be processed, how can successive generations hope to possess these elemental and basic human qualities?”
But, for now, assuming God does exist, does care, is neither obtuse nor stupid – indeed, assuming God is Love and loves us utterly – what could be A reason for some of the difficult times in which we periodically find ourselves?
Notice I said “a reason” and not “the reason”.
There could be multiple reasons. Some things are meant to destroy in some scenarios while those same things can serve in others. The same tool that can be used to kill a man is the same one that can be used to cut that man’s steak. Follow?
So when hard times come, does it automatically mean that they are solely meant to harm a person or destroy their lives? Or could those same hard times be there to shape and mold that person in a way that no other method could do or could do as completely and quickly? Again, pain and process for a legit purpose.
Dr. Nathaniel Duffey III, my spiritual father, used to tell this story about a car he had in his late teens that would not drive when in reverse gear. If he overshot his mark, he’d either have to drive around the block or stick out his foot and help scoot the car backwards.
EMBARRASSING!!
He had asked God for a newer, better car and had heard in his spirit that it was on the way…but it hadn’t shown up yet.
Around the same time, Dr. Duffey had a friend who didn’t have a car at all and to whom he frequently offered and gave rides. Every time this friend was in the car and Dr. Duffey missed his stop, this friend would laugh hysterically at him and make jokes about his having to “stick out the foot!!”. And every time Doc, as he would later be known, always said the same thing: “Humble pie. Everybody gets a slice.”
HUMBLE PIE?? EVERYBODY GETS A SLICE!!
What the hell did that mean? What did he know that his friend didn’t?
What he knew was that the quickest way to create a spoiled brat was to give them everything they wanted as soon as they asked for it.
What he knew was that the pain and processing he was receiving in the form of waiting and scooting would yield something extremely valuable that he wouldn’t or couldn’t get as fully or swiftly.
“HUMBLE PIE. EVERYBODY GETS A SLICE.”
What he knew was that this unfortunate event had not been sent to harm him; it had been sent to shape him.
Many years later – after the Jaguar and the Range Rover made their appearances in his life – the true treasure Dr. Duffey ultimately retained was compassion for others who were in the midst of their processes, overall and overarching patience, and a pool of humility within himself. And what he taught me and several others was to not assume that adversity means abandonment.
Sometimes love looks like adversity when that adversity is meant to transform, bring us more enjoyment, and make us more ALIVE in this life. The pain is not for long and the process doesn’t last forever. Not when God is in it. Sometimes it’s necessary – especially where we have gone cold or hardhearted – for speedy and long-lasting growth to occur.
But at the end of the day, science, history, and all the sages throughout time remind us of that which we all inherently know to be true: whatever isn’t growing isn’t alive.
And that’s the point. To be alive and not just living.
If you take a good hard look and see that compassion is lacking in your life, or humility or love or any of that good-good stuff and you find yourself dealing with issues that make you feel weak, or ashamed or even lonely, consider for a moment that perhaps (perhaps) it is not because life or God or the universe has it out for you.
Consider that maybe those things are there at that appointed time for your good. Perhaps they have come to help you become more compassionate with others, more humble in your everyday life or more loving across the board. Perhaps they have come to touch you so you can realize that better YOU that the world and those who love you would, otherwise, never see.
Processing is only present for however long processing is needed and when it’s over, it’s over. The more pliable you are, the faster it goes.
If you’re smart, you’ll grab a glass of soy, almond or 2% milk or your favorite tea/coffee blend and a fork and dig in to your slice of the pie. The beginning and the middle might not taste that great, but the end is DEEElicious! 😋