Rest Easy

CENTRAL COAST, CALIFORNIA

A new-ish concept has been popping up lately – much like the resurgence of 80s & 90s pop culture and fashion – and, personally, I think it’s about to take hold. The louder and messier and shakier our lives and environments seem (and actually become), the more we’re pushing for it. And I think, if we do it right, we are all – eventually – really going to like it. What is it? 

R                     E                      S                      T

Ahh…yeah…rest. I like that. But what do you mean ‘do it right’? Resting is easy.

That’s what I used to think. Until I tried to do it.

The many friends I have dragged to various vacation spots would probably disagree but I’ve realized that I’m not that great at resting. Vacationing – yes! Resting – meh…not so much. But I’m getting better.

ON A WALK TO THE CALDERA - SANTORINI, GREECE

There are a very few things that remind me of what it is to truly rest. You know…that goooood rest. Like that time in Santorini when I swam to the cove with the private sulfur pool and, suddenly finding myself alone, turned onto my back and floated; soaking in every delicious moment as the softest rain you’ve ever felt began gently (and then not so gently) falling from above. 

Like that time I got upgraded to Vidanta’s honeymoon suite overlooking the Sea of Cortez in San Jose del Cabo and, for the first time, learned what it feels and sounds like when your heart…goes…to…sleep….. 😴

Like each and every time I embrace the truth and freedom that my past has no hold over my future.

Resting is about more than jumping on a plane and getting away from it all or having a whole five minutes, hour, or day to oneself. You can be in either of those scenarios and many others and still not run into it. Why - because it doesn’t wish to be found? Nooo…something far more sinister and muuuch closer to home. 

MORNING STRETCH - CABO SAN LUCAS, MEXICO

GUILT 

Good ol’ fashioned guilt.  

So much happening in the world!

So much to do! 

So many items left unchecked and un-crossed-out on the list! 

So many bills to pay…

I can’t stop & rest now but I WILL when I get everything done.

But that’s the point. There’s always something to get done. And guilt is right there making sure you don’t forget it.

One of the initial catalysts that pushed me to leave L.A. was the soul-crushing realization of how fast and how busy everything and everyone was around me; even as I felt my own motors crashing. Stopping – even for a short time – was frowned upon subtly and overtly and stealthily tagged as laziness and unproductiveness (among several other ‘anti-grind’ descriptors). Especially by me.  

I felt guilty every time I tried to rest as the clamors of ‘should’ drowned out the demands of my limitations.

“There’s always something to get done. And guilt is right there making sure you don’t forget it.”

If I took a day or weekend to rest and unwind, I would feel so guilty about everything I wasn’t doing that I would stealthily whittle that allotment away to a couple of hours before getting back at it. 

If I went on vacation, I would feel guilty about being away so I made all of them ‘working vacations’ which really just became more work and less vacation no matter how much I tried to balance it out. 

 Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. 

Every time I tried to rest, I felt guilty. But why? I worked hard. Damn hard! What was the transgression? Where was the harm in rest? How the hell was I s’posed to recharge if rest was a criminal offense?!

Guilt is a bully that tries to PUSH us into behaviors or ideas rather than inspiring free, sincere, and clear responses of the heart synthesized by love. It paints with a wide brush and frequently outside of the lines. It is unreasonable and adamantly refuses to be challenged. Guilt is indiscriminate in who it targets but it is very specific about what it targets:

REST

… in your mind.

… in your soul.

… in your body.

… in your spirit.

…in your relationship with God.

“I felt guilty every time I tried to rest as the clamors of ‘should’ drowned out the demands of my limitations. ”

Guilt says that if you dare rest from one or a few things in one or a few areas, everything else in every other area will fall apart. It says that there is no time to stop; there is no time for you; there is no time to rest.

Rest doesn’t exist in a natural place or within our concept of time. It is the harmony that resonates when you allow your mind to let go of what’s going good or bad and know that, no matter what, it’s going to get better. 

It is the quiet that stills everything on the inside as you thankfully breathe in and out, acknowledging that you are forgivable, acceptable and lovable. And, most importantly, loved by your Creator.  

It is the state of grace you awaken in your life when you realize that not only is it ALLOWABLE for you to rest, but that you were made to do so. 

It is the only place that you can hear God. 

TWILIGHT IN THE VINEYARD - TUSCANY, ITALY

Resting ~ especially in a time of rest ~ fast-forwards you in a way nothing else can and is a nearly impossible task when we’re workaholics, stressed, afraid, etc. It is the antithesis of everything we are taught about how to get ahead, how to have a successful life, how to be happy. 

But rest is precisely what we must do if we’re going to have enough energy to PUSH when the moment for leveling up comes around again. You never know how long it’s gonna last or how long it’ll be before it comes around again so we must be deliberate about taking advantage of every moment, hour, season of rest that comes our way.

A friend (and a wife/mom of 3) recently told me she’d recalled a previous conversation wherein we discussed resting. She knew she NEEDED to rest but wanted to know exactly HOW to go about that. This is some of what I told her:

1.   Start by acknowledging that it is allowable for you to rest. Stop feeling guilty about it. 

(this may take some practice so say this in the mirror a few times a day until it starts to stick: ‘it’s allowable for me to rest…it’s allowable for me to rest…it’s allowable for me to rest…’)

2.   Realize what you’re resting from and what you’re not. Putting one or a few things down doesn’t automatically mean dropping everything. Stop being so dramatic…lol!

3.   Schedule specific rest in your day, week, month, year. Like…actually put it on a calendar, notify family, friends, bosses & co-workers, and when it’s time to stop and rest, STOP & REST. It’s just not gonna happen on its own.

(some of my favorites: lay down and do nothing for 10-20 mins and let your mind go blank, get your hair done or a mani/pedi or both, massage (if a 4-hand service is available, grab it!), bubble bath with candles, movie night with popcorn, girls trip or family stay/vacay, go to a beach and watch the waves or a park and watch the birds, ducks, etc… It doesn’t need to be fancy; just restful 😌)

4.  Pray in the spirit, breathe, and be quiet.

5. Pay attention to your screen time, reduce it just a bit each week, and turn OFF some of the notifications on your phone. Your latest social media crush’s posts can’t be more important than your peace of mind. They’ll be there when you get back.

6.   Make work a part of your lives but not the most important part. Set, remember, and reinforce your personal and your family’s rest-time boundaries.

7.   Try out meditation apps and YouTube playlists for relaxation/resting and find some you like. They really work!

(Type “binaural beats” into the search bar on YouTube. I especially love rain sounds for deeper sleep and the instrumental videos that release dopamine, serotonin, and the other happiness neurotransmitters our brain produces naturally and loves)

8.   Use your tools and resources and don’t be a s/hero. Yeah, you can probably do it better and faster, but if you can pay someone (or get some free help!) to ease the burden, DO IT. Share the wealth. Throw a lowkey get-together and make it a thing. Do whatever it takes to lighten the load. You’d be amazed at how terrible gold medals look on half-dead people. 

Rest is so important that the only day of the week God had anything to say anything about was the Sabbath (read: “Rest”) day. Allow me to paraphrase:

Don’t do s***

Don’t look like you’re doing s***

Don’t even allow yourself to think about doing s***

Be with family / Be with yourself / Be with Me

Have fun ~ Enjoy your life

OK…got it?! Good ;)

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter WHERE you are – on the other end of a plane ride, in a tower, or in a tiny corner of your room – only THAT you are… 

At rest.

Far from the harsh critiques of cruel and guilt-bearing internal & external taskmasters.

Near to the original intent and heart of the One who, Himself, rested after He made you.

So rest easy…

P.S.

Share some of your favorite resting choices and techniques in the comments. Let’s all GLOW together 💋