...I still either have to brace myself or forget and get spin-cycled through the day/week/whatever.

Is that you?

I’m praying for you - for us - today so you know you’re not alone. You’re not forgotten. You are loved.

So what’s the last thing you heard? Do you remember? Have you finally stopped long enough yet during this quarantine to ask?

Resting is about more than jumping on a plane and getting away from it all or having a whole five minutes, hour, or day to oneself. You can be in either of those scenarios and many others and still not run into it. Why??

GUILT 

Good ol’ fashioned guilt. 

I was not-so-silently fuming at no one but myself. I’d been here before and felt the cold, dark or dryness of having pushed the ‘grace period’ mentality only to find there was no grace period. I knew better but I insisted and no one was really affected by that recurring obstinance but me. I was furious – at the injustice but mostly just at myself. And then a memory hit me. I remembered another time when one day made all the difference in the world and utterly changed the trajectory of my life forever.

I hate lies now. Like…A LOT. The worst lies, I find, are the ones that I don’t even know I’m telling. Those are the ones that have their root in the deep, dark and murky recesses of my insecurities, past rejections, and the total conviction that if I can’t see them, no one else can either. Until I unceremoniously find out they can.

Every time you become romantically involved with someone, what many fail to fully acknowledge is that most people have had several romantic relationships before you came along. Usually, what has been left is a series of half-made buildings – some of them greatly decayed/decaying because they were half-erected and abandoned so long ago. Someone else moved in and didn’t necessarily start building on the last erection (no pun/all puns intended) but, rather likely began building in another part of the ‘city’.

Last year, I made a new friend. I love that because, as I’ve traveled this world more, I have come to value and have a greater appreciation for what that word really means. I don’t take it lightly. One day, as I was talking with God about why this person was in my life, I heard one thing: “…to teach him bravery”.

It’s January 21st – three weeks into the New Year – and as good a time as I can think of to do a quick check-up on the laser focus with which many of us charged into 2019. Distractions abound as if seemingly on assignment to keep you from keeping your foot on the gas but, if you’re like me, you won’t be lured. There’s a prize ahead and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to grab it with both hands!

I realized then that I had continued to hold onto one residual thought; one remnant feeling that was very effective at preventing me from moving forward with any sense of urgency. That residual remnant was this: that there was something to ‘go back’ to.